there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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