yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
pop tarts are not kleenex
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
