You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
