The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i will never coherently bang her
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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