Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
