I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
