Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Everyone says I win the strip club
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
