im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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