i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
there is another microwave in the elevator.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
