Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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