I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
