I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
