well you can't waste a boner
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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