You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
