My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
