we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
