Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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