Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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