Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You just made me feel so damn special
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
