Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
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