Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
