I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Vodka?
Forever.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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