Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
