Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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