If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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