Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
