so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
