she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
