I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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