The maid of honor just puked.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
