I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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