Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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