I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
