Define "chronic" masturbator.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
