drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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