he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
