I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
