this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
