it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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