When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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