Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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