great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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