Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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