They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
