i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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