every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
