my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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