nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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