Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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