Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
