but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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