Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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