someone threw a dead crab at me
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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