so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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