I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
