jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Rumble strips road head = magical
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
